Wednesday

#282 // "Trying a ting"

I am an overthinker.

Anyone else that's an overthinker will understand the crippling effect that this can have on creating, finishing, publishing and just generally doing things.

I always have thoughts bobbing around my head that I think would make quite good blog posts. Always. They're quite relentless actually. But those thoughts are always met with an equal number of unhelpful and de-railing thoughts: I don't have a photo to use. It needs editing down. That ending is shit. Is it good enough?

And just like that, the idea is suffocated and laid to rest in the drafts. It's suffocated by perfectionism, comparison, overthinking and me working overtime to create some rather stellar mountains out of molehills.

In a bid to stop standing in my own way, I'm going to experiment with some form of daily(ish) blogging (emphasis on the ish...). Think something Seth Godin - esque. Short thoughts. Quotes. Things that catch my eye. Literally, life notes (you know, the reason you named your blog what you did, duh). Word fodder in a digestible, post-it sized format.

There are two things I'm mindful of though.

I'm mindful not to just type for the sake of typing. There's more than enough to fit in a day between Instagram, stories, twitter, blogs, You Tube... oh and actual work and life. But I feel that there must be some balance I can strike between doing what I enjoy, battling the overthinking demon to do it more often and writing words that I hope are of value.

Do more of what makes you happy?

"Do more of what makes you happy." Ah, the perennial happiness quote indefinitely circulating Pinterest and Instagram. But what if what makes you happy also makes you anxious? I've often sat worried about how a post will be received and responded to. Or if anyone will respond at all.

And all this feeds into the fear cycle that is "ok, just sit there and do nothing then. Because if you don't do anything, then no one can criticise you." But hang on, in swoops the number one critic - MYSELF - deriding me for not doing the thing that's meant to bring the joy in the first place. Aaargh!

I'm hoping this experiment will free me up from some of that, given there'll be less time for endless proof-reading aka pre-posting over-analysis.

But I'm also cognisant of how quickly what's meant to be freeing can become a pressure cooker of its own, once you apply a goal, target or expectation to it. Can I keep up? Shit, I missed a day. "Oh hi wayside, nice to see I've fallen beside you once again!"

Joshua Fields Millburn of The Minimalists said in a recent podcast, "most writers don't like writing, they like having written." And that's exactly it for me. Joy beams out of my face when I publish words I'm proud of and others relate and engage with them. So why am I unable to hold onto that joy, feed it back into another post and keep the cycle going? Why the disconnect?

Trying a ting

I'm going to give this experiment a go and see what I learn from it. Because if nothing else, it's a perfect example of what life is: continually changing things up until you find yourself in a place where the method and input gives you an output you're happy with. Or what's commonly known in my dad's colloquial Jamaican dictionary as 'trying a ting'.

NB. Re: the unrelated cat photo. If I'm gonna do this, you can expect a lot of random photos from whatever I've been snapping on the go. It's the words that count! Hopefully...