Monday

#255 // Nine Nineteen


I used to write these posts called streams of consciousness. Quickly typed, in the moment, not obsessed over and edited for days, for fear of wanting it to be just right.

It's 9.19pm, I've just finished episode one of The Replacement and if you've seen this instagram snap, the mother of all KFC meals. Out of shot was an additional piece of chicken and gravy #sorrynotsorry. I just felt the urge like I used to have for those posts, to fire up the laptop and type some words. Though I haven't got long, because I've left the flat to do so, and my laptop battery is hella low (well done Sasha). 

I feel quite pumped at the moment. I'm finding myself very taken with the phrase 'yolo.' Not in a, 'chuck a holiday to New York on a credit card and worry about it later' kinda way, but feeling the true depths of the phrase that we only get one shot at life. I don't want to wait until someone dies or some other time-limiting factor surrounds me to jolt me awake. I'm trying to be live woke all day, err'day. Perhaps that's why I've found myself blogging tonight. Writing is one of my true passions, and this blog isn't gonna write itself. I have to take the time to hone my craft, show up, be consistent, make time for the things I want to be larger in my life.

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I fell in love with my old school friend's flat over the weekend. She lives in Crystal Palace, in a dream pad, the likes of which you see on Pinterest and Air BnB. I used to think that home ownership was out of my reach, but you can't really doubt it when you're literally standing in the centrefold of Living Etc. magazine. aka, old friends Scandi living room of dreams. 

Here's my friend, living her Pinterest dream IRL. Someone I went to school with, that's my age, doing it. I've long known that while the odds aren't necessarily in my favour when it comes to home ownership, it's not impossible, and that actually, I need to face up to the fact that I haven't been putting my all into saving up for it, because I didn't make it a priority. 

Problem with me though, is that once I decide something is a priority, I want it right there and then. Cue my bank account lol-ing loudly at me. "Um darling, the resources to go with that pipe dream?" And the forethought that should accompany that has been running on some serious BPT (black people timing), just strolling to the party five years late. So the long slog starts now. But I have that flat etched in my mind to visualise and keep the momentum going. 

At 31, I feel quite clear in my mind about what I want for my life now. I've not had that up to this point. 

Maybe it's becoming more acutely aware of time that's driving me. Whatever it is, I'm taking it and running with it. But right now, it's time for me to get back to episode two of The Replacement. Gotta give it up for BBC drama right now. Shows like this almost make the TV licence worth it. Almost. 

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