#254 // Lonely AF

I had a training day today. 

I was super thankful to have it to break up the week. I've booked off that ultimate holiday hack of 18 for the price of 9 annual leave days, but there's still six and a half weeks for me to get through until I get there. 

I had exchanges with some of the speakers at the conference, bumped into an old colleague, and a friend stopped in quickly to have some photos taken for work. I've spoken to people, I've interacted. So why do I feel so lonely?

It's been palpable this evening. And that's okay. And what's even more okay, is admitting it. Admitting that today I did nothing but surface chat to the people I came across, while my thoughts were silently screaming to an audience of one. It's interesting, and scary, that we can put on that "I'm fine" face and fool the world, and still feel a bit empty inside. 

I'm used to being on my own. I'm an only child, and actually I seek out solace a lot of the time, but there's a difference in choosing to be alone and feeling lonely. 

There's no conclusion, just the acknowledgement of a feeling, the knowledge that it's okay to not feel 100% all the time, a hot shower and an early night tbh.

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