Tuesday

Note #203 // The 30 Series: And then I turned 30...

Today marks round two of the 30 series and this time I asked my wonderful friend Liss to pen some words on her experience of the milestone. I've known Alicia since I was 11. As acquaintance for most of that time, we've just clicked as adults and now we're so close, I can't imagine my life without her. 

She's a very talented lady and I knew she'd knock it out of the park. She's just started a blog, which you can read here. Liss, over to you. 

"Hello Everybody!
Today whilst drooling over flats on Zoopla that I know I will never be able to afford - unless I win the lottery, one of my friends wins the lottery or there is another property price crash and ALL the houses in the area that I want to move into (hello South Tottenham) suddenly cost £50,000 - I got to thinking, why has this grown up malarky become such a massive thing? Why do we always feel like we have to hit certain milestones and do certain things because we are adults and why does being an adult have to come with such responsibility but also such bloody stress?
I turned 30 in February you see. This massive milestone filled me with so much worry that I took four days off work as I knew that the day with bring such doom, I'd be sat at my desk at work spinning around on my chair wondering where it all went so wrong: 

Why wasn't I doing the things I had planned? 
Why wasn't I going on all the holidays I'd always wanted to go on?
Why was I stuck in a job that I was unhappy in, 
Why I had no children, no flat and no damn ISA! 

I know, all of these things had become such a daily thought process that I didn't feel shock when they flew into my head at random times during the day... or night as had suddenly become a thing!



30... yes, it happens to us all. I know when I was 20, turning 30 was a complete decade away. 10 entire years... thousands of days, millions of minutes. More than enough time to do EVERY SINGLE THING I WANTED. I didn't ever think that I'd have to worry about turning 30 because it was something that happened to other people, something that I knew would happen to me but I would be ready for it, I would be sorted, I would be in a career that I loved, I'd own a flat somewhere snazzy and be able to drive a black fiat Punto and be completely and utterly sorted. 
I'd have the best husband who was so besotted with me that he'd tell his friends that he was sure that God had answered his prayers for his soulmate and we'd have two kids..a boy and a girl (Anya and Hugo) and everything would be so perfect that I would even say at Dinner parties held by our also fabulous friends "oh, I'm so happy I could cry!" Not that I'd thought about it or anything.
Then I turned 30!
I woke up that morning feeling lost! yes, it's only a day I hear you scream, but it was more than a day, it was the realisation that I hadn't achieved anything, not what I'd wanted to anyway, and it made me feel so sad. Sad doesn't quite cover it, devastated does if I'm honest. I was sad for  ALL the things that I hadn't done, of all the things that I hadn't achieved. I know that there will be people reading this saying "oh you should be happy with what you have" and I am in the most part BUT I know that I could be in a much better place than I am right now.
So, do you know what I did? I spent the day opening presents my friends had got me and eating red velvet cake. The next day was Valentines Day, and I spent the evening in a dress I'd got from Boohoo called Alicia (how apt). I went to a bar on Essex Road with my best friends and T and instead of sitting there moping and feeling sad for the decade that I thought I'd lost... I drank cocktails and kissed T so much that I'm sure we were both dizzy.
I hate that suddenly we all turn 30 and expect to be sorted. We expect to have a mortgage, a decent job, a driving license, a passport that we use for holidays and NOT for ID. We're meant to have grey walls, and glass dressing tables. We're meant to know what we want and have somebody next to us who wants the same things and if we don't we're not fulfilling what society thinks we should have!
Do you know what? So what if we haven't done what we thought we should of! We live our lives our own way. Who cares if people scoff and roll their eyes when we tell them we want to go to Ibiza or that we watch Pretty little liars religiously. 
We have a very long time to be old and to be responsible. 
I read that 30 is the new 20 and I will be living this year with as much gusto and as much feeling as possible because well... Why wouldn't I?"


Read more: