Note #152 // Stream Of Consciousness

I wish I could be more positive as it's coming up to the festive period, but I can't.

I received some really sad news that a family friend passed away a few days ago. Death is sad at anytime, but ten days before Christmas, with a young family? Devastating.

I can't wait to move next year. I hate where I live and I don't feel safe here. Being bombarded by constant news of people being killed literally so close to home depresses me. The reality of our society right now. How can it be, that you can't stand up for what is right for fear that you'll lose your life? This morning I saw a school child finish his drink (Coke at 8am...says a lot) and just chuck it in the planters. There was a bin right behind him. But I was wary of admonishing this one that hasn't even had his growth spurt yet, because I didn't want to be set upon. It just feels like there's an unruly underclass running the streets and it's no way to live.

And just as you thought you were making headway at work, recent events mean you will be pushed to your limits the minute you get back after the new year; the thought of which is already encroaching on your holiday before it's even begun.

It doesn't help your mood that you're typing this on your phone on the most packed tube in history, while in the company of some of the most twat-ish commuters you've come across all year. You know when it just fuels those "fuck this so-called London weighting pay scale shite, I'm applying for a job at my local Waitrose" type thoughts? Yeah, that.

I'd just love for time to stop. If only for a few hours so that I feel I can catch up with myself. I'm never in a good place when I feel like I don't have a grip on life. Five more days of work. Just five more. I truly need the time to regroup.

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