Note #127 // Dear body...

This post has been a long time in the making. I started to write it when I was in Marrakech, poolside in a bikini. Seeing as it's National Body Confidence Week, I thought it was about time that I finished and posted it. 

Dear body,

There's nothing quite like the thought of getting you into a bikini to propel me into a right state. I've come to expect an awful lot from you.

I don't work out as often as I should, yet somehow miraculously expect you to morph at will come holiday time. People talk about getting bikini-body ready, by simply getting a bikini and putting it on. I wish I could be that confident, without feeling I need to be a certain level of acceptable before I get poolside. And then when I inevitably don't put in the effort required, feeling shit about the whole thing.

But I'd like to apologise to you. I'm sorry that all too often I objectify you and place the highest value on how you look. That I berate men for looking at you in certain ways (not that it happens often), yet pimp you out for likes on instagram. That I allow myself to be drawn in by the body beautiful and the visual onslaught from social media and regard you as something so far apart from that. That I subject you to random half-hearted bouts of 5:2, paleo, non-dairy, gluten-free or whatever other food trend is happening, interspersed with too frequent moments of emotional over-eating.

I sometimes think that if I were taller, smaller, bigger in various places, it would make me a better person. Sometimes a whole morning can be written off because it feels like nothing fits the way it did yesterday and that it's somehow your fault. That puts me in a bad mood from the get-go, and it's all downhill from there. I don't like how dependent my moods can be on what I see in the mirror. The natural antidote would be to get off my arse and do something about it, but mentally, it's not as simple as that.

But you work pretty bloody well and I should be more grateful for that. It's easy to overlook what isn't necessarily shoved in your face every day. Like the fact that you, spine, take me to work every day, or that you, lungs and heart, keep going regardless of what I'm accessorising you with that day (denim and red lip combo today fyi). I think I should take a bit more time to be proud of what I have, appreciate what I like and work with what I don't.

This is the body that midnight munchies built.
The body that freaks your friends out as it's abnormally strong.
That feels good when it does get it's ass to the gym.
This is the body that will always have a bit of a pot-belly and a bigger left boob than right, but also has a great nipped in waist and killer collar bones. 
This is the body that will always find it hard to buy jeans because what I lack in height, I more than make up for in booty and thigh.
And it's the body that eats well (most of the time).
This is the body that is actually pretty good at badminton, owns the squat rack and will be taking me around the Tough Mudder course next year.
This is the body that I will treat better and with more respect.
This is the body that thinking about dinner (while eating breakfast) built.
And this is the body I'm learning to be pretty damn proud of.

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